Friday, January 29, 2010
daddy Voltron time
chris discovered that caitlin likes to watch the cartoon Voltron. and thanks to Hulu the evening routine is dinner, bath, Voltron with daddy, then bed. here's a snapshot:
conscious discipline pt.2
this morning was class 2 of 4. today we learned about encouragement and assertiveness (the stuff in italics comes directly from the worksheets)
encouragement:
noticing vs. judging--"noticing describes what you see. it is nonjudgmental. it forces your mind to come to the present moment" basically this is saying that we need to pay more attention to what our children are doing and respond in a way that shows we are in the present moment in order to connect to the child. for example, your child comes up to you excited that she read a book. instead of just saying "thats good" (judging) and going on your way you would say "i see you just read a book! good job" (by noticing the behavior it brings your mind to the present moment)
noticing helpful acts-- this helps children be aware of how they contribute and increases the self-esteem. she suggests using this model to respond: "you ___(what the child did)__so__(how that contributed to others)___. that was helpful" for example "you put your toys away so mommy wouldnt fall over them. that was helpful"
commands vs requests-- when you request something to be done usually the other person has a choice. it usually end in "thank you" this way of asking pleases the person who is asking, not the other person's behalf. for example" please put the book on the shelf. thank you" (pleases the person asking by doing what they want,) a command however has no option of choice and usually ends in "you did it, way to go, good for you" this puts the pleasing onto the person performing the task. for example " put the book on the shelf. you did it! you put the book on the shelf, way to go!"
assertiveness:
-what you focus on, you get more of
-when you are upset, you are always focused on what you don't want
-you cannot change behavior by focusing on what you don't want. tell children what to do.
-when you are upset stop, breathe, and pivot (change your focus from what you dont want to what you do want)
she demonstrates the correct tone of voice for being assertive. its not a weak tone (passive) nor an angry tone (aggressive) but a confident tone. when you need the child to do something its best to use all senses- instead of just saying from across the room "put that book away" you should walk over to the person (kinesthetic), make eye contact (visual), say what needs to be done (auditory), place hand on shoulder (or something similar (tactile)). this way you are connected to the child. if they resist then not only do the above, but then say "i'm going to show you what to do" and then once the child does it use encouragement "you did it!"
she also suggests kids be assertive and use the right tone of voice when resolving conflict...example child A pushes child B. well, child B should say "i dont like it when you push me. say "move, please" conflict is never resolved until you end it with telling the other person what you want. also, as the adult, when you see a kid is being bullied you are to always go to the victim first. and then tell the victim to say "i dont like it when you... please..." to the bully. not only does this give the victim a chance to be assertive, by ingnoring the bully it does not reinforce his negative behavior.
so, those were the lessons from today. as before i'm still taking it all in and processing it. there are things about every topic so far i find very helpful. i know i can't implement everything all at once. a little bit at a time. i figure caitlin is young enough that hopefully some of this stuff will stick so it will be easier as she gets older. but we'll see!!
encouragement:
noticing vs. judging--"noticing describes what you see. it is nonjudgmental. it forces your mind to come to the present moment" basically this is saying that we need to pay more attention to what our children are doing and respond in a way that shows we are in the present moment in order to connect to the child. for example, your child comes up to you excited that she read a book. instead of just saying "thats good" (judging) and going on your way you would say "i see you just read a book! good job" (by noticing the behavior it brings your mind to the present moment)
noticing helpful acts-- this helps children be aware of how they contribute and increases the self-esteem. she suggests using this model to respond: "you ___(what the child did)__so__(how that contributed to others)___. that was helpful" for example "you put your toys away so mommy wouldnt fall over them. that was helpful"
commands vs requests-- when you request something to be done usually the other person has a choice. it usually end in "thank you" this way of asking pleases the person who is asking, not the other person's behalf. for example" please put the book on the shelf. thank you" (pleases the person asking by doing what they want,) a command however has no option of choice and usually ends in "you did it, way to go, good for you" this puts the pleasing onto the person performing the task. for example " put the book on the shelf. you did it! you put the book on the shelf, way to go!"
assertiveness:
-what you focus on, you get more of
-when you are upset, you are always focused on what you don't want
-you cannot change behavior by focusing on what you don't want. tell children what to do.
-when you are upset stop, breathe, and pivot (change your focus from what you dont want to what you do want)
she demonstrates the correct tone of voice for being assertive. its not a weak tone (passive) nor an angry tone (aggressive) but a confident tone. when you need the child to do something its best to use all senses- instead of just saying from across the room "put that book away" you should walk over to the person (kinesthetic), make eye contact (visual), say what needs to be done (auditory), place hand on shoulder (or something similar (tactile)). this way you are connected to the child. if they resist then not only do the above, but then say "i'm going to show you what to do" and then once the child does it use encouragement "you did it!"
she also suggests kids be assertive and use the right tone of voice when resolving conflict...example child A pushes child B. well, child B should say "i dont like it when you push me. say "move, please" conflict is never resolved until you end it with telling the other person what you want. also, as the adult, when you see a kid is being bullied you are to always go to the victim first. and then tell the victim to say "i dont like it when you... please..." to the bully. not only does this give the victim a chance to be assertive, by ingnoring the bully it does not reinforce his negative behavior.
so, those were the lessons from today. as before i'm still taking it all in and processing it. there are things about every topic so far i find very helpful. i know i can't implement everything all at once. a little bit at a time. i figure caitlin is young enough that hopefully some of this stuff will stick so it will be easier as she gets older. but we'll see!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
cuteness
yesterday we were driving up to my parents house. caitlin noticed and said "opa! mamaw!" and i said yes, we are going to see Opa and Mamaw. then the car stopped and caitlin exclaimed "Opa, i'm coming" :)
Friday, January 22, 2010
conscious discipline pt.1
a friend asked me if i'd like to go with her to a free parenting series at her son's preschool. its on friday mornings for about 2 hours for a total of 4 weeks. the class is called Conscious Discipline-a program developed by Dr. Becky Bailey. the basic premis is this: Conscious Discipline educates adults by establishing an understanding of brain development. Once a basic knowledge is established, Conscious Discipline then draws out the relationships between brain development, learning and behavior. Ultimately, Conscious Discipline uses this information to deliver specific ways to create safer, more caring and more responsive environments for schools, homes and workplaces.
today was the first session. there is a video we watch and have some handouts to keep notes with. the first video dealt with understanding the human brain, and the relationship between brain function and behavior. she talks about reactions start at the brain stem (survival state--defense, attack), then go to the limbic system (emotional state-name calling, childhood upbrinings), and ultimately reaches the frontal lobe of the cortex (executive state-reasoning skills). she talks alot about how thebrain functions optimally when the child feels safe, and not to discipline on a fear-based system. it was all very intresting. took me back to some of my psychology classes i had in college (hm...13 years later and finally my psychology degree has relevence!)
the second video talked about composure. "no one can make me angry without my permission". she gave strategies how to maintain our composure and keep a safe environment. those strategies are: 1) use language of safety vs. language of fear " come hold my hand so that i can keep you safe" vs. "get over here before somebody grabs you" 2) change "dont make me" language to "i'm going to" statements ex- "I'm going to pull the car over until the seatbelts are fastened and everyone is safe" vs "dont make me have to pull this car over" 3) active calming- breathe. she uses S.T.A.R (Stop. Take a deep breath. And Relax)..when your child is throwing a fit say to yourself "i'm safe, keep breathing, i can handle this" and say to your child "you're safe. breathe with me, you can handle this". She also suggests setting up a Safe Place..this would be an area that the child can go to whenever they are upset, angry, frustrated..its NOT a time-out. its strictly volunteer. and in this safe place they can relax. you would put item/activities there that would be calming.
i am still processing most of this info. i think the overall idea is great. right now caitlin is a little too small for some of it, but i think in the future it would come in handly. i am looking forward to learning more in the upcoming sessions. if you'd like to learn more, visit the website here
today was the first session. there is a video we watch and have some handouts to keep notes with. the first video dealt with understanding the human brain, and the relationship between brain function and behavior. she talks about reactions start at the brain stem (survival state--defense, attack), then go to the limbic system (emotional state-name calling, childhood upbrinings), and ultimately reaches the frontal lobe of the cortex (executive state-reasoning skills). she talks alot about how thebrain functions optimally when the child feels safe, and not to discipline on a fear-based system. it was all very intresting. took me back to some of my psychology classes i had in college (hm...13 years later and finally my psychology degree has relevence!)
the second video talked about composure. "no one can make me angry without my permission". she gave strategies how to maintain our composure and keep a safe environment. those strategies are: 1) use language of safety vs. language of fear " come hold my hand so that i can keep you safe" vs. "get over here before somebody grabs you" 2) change "dont make me" language to "i'm going to" statements ex- "I'm going to pull the car over until the seatbelts are fastened and everyone is safe" vs "dont make me have to pull this car over" 3) active calming- breathe. she uses S.T.A.R (Stop. Take a deep breath. And Relax)..when your child is throwing a fit say to yourself "i'm safe, keep breathing, i can handle this" and say to your child "you're safe. breathe with me, you can handle this". She also suggests setting up a Safe Place..this would be an area that the child can go to whenever they are upset, angry, frustrated..its NOT a time-out. its strictly volunteer. and in this safe place they can relax. you would put item/activities there that would be calming.
i am still processing most of this info. i think the overall idea is great. right now caitlin is a little too small for some of it, but i think in the future it would come in handly. i am looking forward to learning more in the upcoming sessions. if you'd like to learn more, visit the website here
ork and lion videos, finally
i have been trying the past few days to upload these videos, but Blogger was having technical difficulties. now its all fixed. enjoy!
caitlin wanting her "ork" aka orange. i love how she taps her hands on the table in the beginning as if to say "ok mom, i'm waiting.." :)
i got this lion cookie jar at Goodwill. it will roar if the batteries are in it, but i took them out cause it scared caitlin. she likes playing with it though and making her own sound!
caitlin wanting her "ork" aka orange. i love how she taps her hands on the table in the beginning as if to say "ok mom, i'm waiting.." :)
i got this lion cookie jar at Goodwill. it will roar if the batteries are in it, but i took them out cause it scared caitlin. she likes playing with it though and making her own sound!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
daily life
there isnt really anything new to post lately, things are pretty much same ole same ole. caitlin still picks at her food, except for the bannanas, oranges and other fruit. last night we had family and friends over for dinner, and caitlin loved having her Opa around to play and watch Dragon Tales with! Opa is definatly close to the center of her universe :) i really need to take more video of her at this stage...i know she is growing so fast and this will all be changed in a blink of an eye. she is getting more clever by the moment..yesterday she tried climbing over the baby gate we have up in the kitchen so she could come see what was going on. this is the first time she has tried climbing over it. we're in trouble now! the weather has been cold lately but a couple days ago it was nice so we went to the playground at the library. as soon as we drove into the parking lot caitlin saw the fun stuff and said loudly and eagerly "PLAY!!" i'm looking forward to the nicer weather so we can get out and do more like that.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
food/sleep delimma
i remember when caitlin was first allowed to eat rice cereal the doctor said it would prob help her sleep better too since she will feel fuller. i think i'm having that same delimma now.
i dread meal time. caitlin INSISTS on feeding herself. i know that overall this is a good and normal thing for her to do. however, she still needs to master the art of eating, not playing, with her food. most of the time now she will eat whatever food in front of her with a spoon or fork for a few bites. then she turns the plate over, or dumps the bowl over, and food goes everywhere but in her mouth. and then she plays in/with it. i'd say out of the food we give her at meals she eats about 10% of it. now she is starting to do the same with her sippy cups..apparently turning it upside down and shaking it till fluid is forced out is a fun thing to do.
needless to say i get very frustrated. and lately trying to get her to sleep for either naps during the day or at night has been a big struggle. she wakes up alot during the night which she hasnt done in quite awhile. so i'm just wondering if she is still hungry and thats why she isnt sleeping well. i'm at my wits end over this....
UPDATE: tonight caitlin actually ate all her dinner! meatloaf AND veggies. its a miracle! really, thats how i feel!
i dread meal time. caitlin INSISTS on feeding herself. i know that overall this is a good and normal thing for her to do. however, she still needs to master the art of eating, not playing, with her food. most of the time now she will eat whatever food in front of her with a spoon or fork for a few bites. then she turns the plate over, or dumps the bowl over, and food goes everywhere but in her mouth. and then she plays in/with it. i'd say out of the food we give her at meals she eats about 10% of it. now she is starting to do the same with her sippy cups..apparently turning it upside down and shaking it till fluid is forced out is a fun thing to do.
needless to say i get very frustrated. and lately trying to get her to sleep for either naps during the day or at night has been a big struggle. she wakes up alot during the night which she hasnt done in quite awhile. so i'm just wondering if she is still hungry and thats why she isnt sleeping well. i'm at my wits end over this....
UPDATE: tonight caitlin actually ate all her dinner! meatloaf AND veggies. its a miracle! really, thats how i feel!
Monday, January 11, 2010
so clever
this morning we watched a dragon tales video. then when it was over the machine automatically rewinds and ejects the tape, but the player itself stays on until it gets turned off (which i usually forget to do). the player is behind a glass door in our tv cabinet.
well, this afternoon i was in a different part of the house. i noticed i had not heard from caitlin in a bit, so i went looking for her. there she was in the family room, sitting in her chair with the blanket on her lap and dragon tales playing on the television!! clever little girl knows how to open the door, push in the video and turn on the televison all by herself! (then being all comfy in her chair)! i just had to smile and laugh. :)
well, this afternoon i was in a different part of the house. i noticed i had not heard from caitlin in a bit, so i went looking for her. there she was in the family room, sitting in her chair with the blanket on her lap and dragon tales playing on the television!! clever little girl knows how to open the door, push in the video and turn on the televison all by herself! (then being all comfy in her chair)! i just had to smile and laugh. :)
Ork
no, not as in Mork from Ork.
caitlin's vocabulary amazes me sometimes. she can talk up a storm, and loves to sing. she repeats whatever and most of the time i can 'translate' her words. well, if you ever hang out with her and want to be her best friend, just give her nannas and ork. oh, and apples. because everyone likes bannanas (nannas), oranges (ork), and grapes (apple), right? :)
caitlin's vocabulary amazes me sometimes. she can talk up a storm, and loves to sing. she repeats whatever and most of the time i can 'translate' her words. well, if you ever hang out with her and want to be her best friend, just give her nannas and ork. oh, and apples. because everyone likes bannanas (nannas), oranges (ork), and grapes (apple), right? :)
Friday, January 8, 2010
the birds are safe at last
we have been trying to think of a way to make the home a little safer for our 4 birds. caitlin really enjoys pestering them at their cages. they are pretty good about not trying to bite her or anything, but we only fear that as she gets older and tries harder things could get worse. well, chris saw this superyard (metal baby gate/play yard) at the store and suggested we give it a try. and cool enough, it happened to also be sold on amazon.com where we had a gift card waiting from my brother from christmas. so we decided to order it and it arrived today. i'm feeling confident that she wont be able to stress out the birds as much anymore, which in turn lowers the stress level for me too :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
welcome
welcome to Caitlin's world...previously all her activities were published on a different website, but due to fact that it will no longer be in business in a couple months i decided to go ahead and create a new page for her here.
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