conscious discipline pt.2

this morning was class 2 of 4. today we learned about encouragement and assertiveness (the stuff in italics comes directly from the worksheets)

encouragement:

noticing vs. judging--"noticing describes what you see. it is nonjudgmental. it forces your mind to come to the present moment" basically this is saying that we need to pay more attention to what our children are doing and respond in a way that shows we are in the present moment in order to connect to the child. for example, your child comes up to you excited that she read a book. instead of just saying "thats good" (judging) and going on your way you would say "i see you just read a book! good job" (by noticing the behavior it brings your mind to the present moment)

noticing helpful acts-- this helps children be aware of how they contribute and increases the self-esteem. she suggests using this model to respond: "you ___(what the child did)__so__(how that contributed to others)___. that was helpful" for example "you put your toys away so mommy wouldnt fall over them. that was helpful"

commands vs requests-- when you request something to be done usually the other person has a choice. it usually end in "thank you" this way of asking pleases the person who is asking, not the other person's behalf. for example" please put the book on the shelf. thank you" (pleases the person asking by doing what they want,) a command however has no option of choice and usually ends in "you did it, way to go, good for you" this puts the pleasing onto the person performing the task. for example " put the book on the shelf. you did it! you put the book on the shelf, way to go!"

assertiveness:

-what you focus on, you get more of
-when you are upset, you are always focused on what you don't want
-you cannot change behavior by focusing on what you don't want. tell children what to do.
-when you are upset stop, breathe, and pivot (change your focus from what you dont want to what you do want)

she demonstrates the correct tone of voice for being assertive. its not a weak tone (passive) nor an angry tone (aggressive) but a confident tone. when you need the child to do something its best to use all senses- instead of just saying from across the room "put that book away" you should walk over to the person (kinesthetic), make eye contact (visual), say what needs to be done (auditory), place hand on shoulder (or something similar (tactile)). this way you are connected to the child. if they resist then not only do the above, but then say "i'm going to show you what to do" and then once the child does it use encouragement "you did it!"

she also suggests kids be assertive and use the right tone of voice when resolving conflict...example child A pushes child B. well, child B should say "i dont like it when you push me. say "move, please" conflict is never resolved until you end it with telling the other person what you want. also, as the adult, when you see a kid is being bullied you are to always go to the victim first. and then tell the victim to say "i dont like it when you... please..." to the bully. not only does this give the victim a chance to be assertive, by ingnoring the bully it does not reinforce his negative behavior.

so, those were the lessons from today. as before i'm still taking it all in and processing it. there are things about every topic so far i find very helpful. i know i can't implement everything all at once. a little bit at a time. i figure caitlin is young enough that hopefully some of this stuff will stick so it will be easier as she gets older. but we'll see!!